Sacred Bleed

As a Womban, I bleed. And I feel this sacred contract I signed long ago come alive each time the moon brings my flow. I am honored to shed a lining that no longer serves me, and give it to the Earth so that she can be nourished by me. It's a gift that's only given to Womban and some of us don't see it as such. Instead some believe the lies we've be told and they dread this time when their bodies unfold. It's been hidden and hushed and quieted down. There is a reason for all this I won't tell you right now. Instead I'll share with you only My perspective, and if you like it then it's because you too see, it's a gift to be a Womban. It's a gift to bleed. 

When we are only just forming in our mothers womb we are given all the eggs we will ever pass through or grow in our womb. We are holding the bloodline the lineage of our entire family in future to become. We are housing the future. Yes that's what I said. I think it's an honor to honor each dead. For each time we bleed we are saying goodbye to what was a possible life. 

And it seems to me that we would benefit much by honoring the gift we've been given as such. Seeing our pains as an opening for us to become greater, to be so much more. What if we looked at our preparation to bleed as an act of love instead of suffering? What if we held ourselves like babies and sang to ourselves in a tender embrace? What if we talk with our Sisters in need and share our blood stories and grow as we bleed? 

I find peace as pieces of me come out of my body as I shed and I bleed. I release all that's unnecessary for me, as I release all these old pieces of me. I gather my blood in my diva cup, or on socks, or sometimes I sit and I bleed upon rocks. I gather my blood in a vessel at home, I take it with me when I'm out and about and I feel empowered to know what I carry with me. 

So what do I do when I'm done with my bleed, with my moon, with my sacred ceremony of release? I give thanks for the seeds that were once inside me and I honor them all for what they gifted to me as I held them in the sacred space of my womb. I honor the life that could have been, by honoring the birth that I've given within. A birth to a more divine Womban in me. A birth to a Love awakened indeed. A birth to more gifts I'll eventually bleed as they grow and evolve and transform within me... Back to the Earth Mother I give all these seeds. My blood nourishes her body as her fruits nourish me. So I give what I bleed so that she may feed and make compost to nourish all her seeds. 

Sometimes my children do this ceremony with me, sometimes by myself in ceremony. It is so sacred a thing to give back the life that she has given to me. Oh Pachamama I'm thankful to bleed! Oh Pachamama I'm thankful to bleed! 

So there you have it. Think what you think I'm not judging anyone. Just sharing my thoughts about my menses and the deep appreciation I have for my blood. I find it freeing to swat and bleed on the Earth. I find strength in the act. I find that I walk in a softer and yet more stable way on this Earth since I have truly stepped into this sacred mooning. The songs of her soul I hear clearer now. The words and her messages come to me more often and with a greater clarity. I'm learning so much by honoring me as I cherish this gift that's been given to me in the divine beauty it is to bleed and to bleed and to bleed and to bleed. 

(Sometimes I think about painting Warrioress lines on my cheeks so that all others know that it's my time to bleed. That way they can honor the divine Womban in me. Lol  ) <3 <3 <3 

Unconditional

I know that the reason we come here is to learn to give and receive unconditional Love. There is not a doubt in my mind that that is our sole purpose of living here and now.

At one point it felt like I always expected someone to return the favor, or to pay me back somehow. Then it came to be that there had to be an "equal exchange". Following that was learning to give unconditionally.

With this gift came the want and drive to give from my heart and experience how much Love could change someone's life. There was a joy greater than anything I had ever known that filled my heart when I would give. Some would and have said that I have given too much at times, but I know that everything given in unconditional love is perfect. Just as everything received in that same unconditional love is perfect.

And that has been the true kicker... Unconditional receiving! Allowing myself to love myself enough to fully and unconditionally accept unconditional love from myself, and others. The truth is that I could not accept the love of others unconditionally if I didn't have that same love for myself!

So tonight, I give thanks for this Moon ripping my life to shreds just like the Rocky Mountains.

I give thanks for the Blizzard at the top of those mountains whiting everything out for the briefest of moments.

I give thanks to the Moon lighting up the sky ever so quickly after the storm had passed.

I give thanks for the most beautiful moon lit slope calling my name, tempting me to carve ever so gracefully the lines of my journey in her back.

I give thanks for the best ride of my life.

For the LOVE we have inside.
For the LOVE we are learning Unconditionality from.
For each and every one of us manifested here right now. In all forms, seen and unseen.

Bless this day for it has been the most beautiful day of my life!
Bless tomorrow for tomorrow brings an even greater today!
Bless. Bless. Bless.

Love. Love. Love.

Give Thanks. Give Thanks. Give Thanks.

Give. Give. Give.

Receive. Receive. Receive.

All Is Full Of Love, Even If We Can't Feel It's There

Each day of my cleanse has been so transformational: day one, two, and three were all much more physical and mental, but day four became more emotional, and yesterday..., day five was the most powerful day thus far. . . . I had so many poewrful revelations about the perceptions I was holding about my recent situations in life. Such as the move I just made. I moved an entire household (and when I say household, I mean I can just barely fit everything into a 26' long moving truck : )! ) and I move it all with the only help being with things that were physically impossible for me to do alone. By the way, I also learned that I can move things that I thought I couldn't!

The point is that I was speaking of this entire move for the whole two weeks it took me to manage it with three children and no childcare (minus one day without Kyan because he had a fever and sat at my sister's watching movies) and for a full week after as though I were a victim for having to do it "all alone".

Then I realized I accomplished a massive feat and that I should be proud that I could orchestrate such a move with so little complications, drama, pain, and so much fun for my children, realization of strength's in myself, and without having to rent a truck! :)

I'm gonna keep going here and get into something I don't want to share, but because I am opening up my heart...I have made a horrible habbit of yelling at my children. I have been saying for months that I need to talk to them more and yell less, but when things got stressful, I found myself returning to yelling and every time I would beat myself up about it afterward, but still I returned to the raised voice.

Here I must note that I do not yell at my children in front of anyone else. This is not a good pattern to get into. Everyone sees me as such a calm mother and I get compliments all the time about how patient I am with them. Sometimes I even say, "Well thank you, but I am not always this cool." The truth of the matter was that I wished that there was always someone around so that I could be kept in check.

Yesterday Kyan was making a cashew butter and jam sandwich and as I was yelling at him because he was doing it "wrong" and making a huge mess something happened...

I began to cry.

And through my sobs I told him I was sorry, and then I told all of my children how sorry I was for yelling at them. And then I asked Kyan to please finish making his sandwich however he wanted to.

In that moment I realized I have been so hard on them because I am so terribly hard on me, that every time I had been yelling at them, I was truly yelling at me.

I am huge on positive reinforcement, and always give props where props are due. To my children and to myself (to everyone actually!). They smile more than most other children I know, and I smile more than most other adults that I know, BUT that is no way for me to reason out that it was acceptable to yell when things were high stress.

So basically they finished their lunch with their Mother sobbing at the table telling them how much she loves them, and how she is going to talk to them from now on, that they need to listen when she talks and that it will no longer be acceptible for them to yell when they are stressin' either. They all kissed and hugged me and told me that it was okay and that everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a chance to start over, and that I don't really yell at them all that much.

I am a firm believer in experiencing what I am supposed to be, you know, not shunning my emotions or halting a cry when I feel one coming on, so for the next hourish I walked around the house breaking in and out of sobs and smiles.

I know why they are called "growing pains" and not "growing pleasures". It's because as a whole we are taught sub-consciously to focus on the negetive. It is all around us, and we have to change that pattern. It does not take a huge effort to change a pattern, or need for years of therapy. We simply have to know, to become conscious, and then to impliment the neccessary changes into our current patterns! :) It is so easy, but it can only happen exactly when we give up our need to control the situation. We have to give in. We have to surrender to every moment.

We have to surrender to every moment! Wow! That was worth typing twice! :) Every moment we are gifted with such a beautiful present, right NOW!!!!!!!! I find it so breath taking, so astonishing to see with eyes in my heart and to act from that centered and balanced space where Spirit and I are One.
We always have something to "work" on, but what I am realizing is that it is so much more fun to navigate my way through this EPIC journey "playing"! Taking myself so much less seriously, and therefore everyone else around me as well.

I think one of the most powerful mantras is:

"I Unconditionally Love and Approve of Myself"

When we can do that, we can be a beacon of light for ourselves, and for everyone else we encounter. It is such a powerful gift to Unconditionally Love and Approve of Everyone and Everything.

All truly IS full of Love.

To The People

I read this a few weeks ago at an open mic, the response was great!


Alright, so this is going to require a bit of audience interaction... I need your help here, so don't leave me hanging. Help me out, and participate. Got it? Good. Here we go...

Do you trust our government to do what is best for the people in our country?

You do realize that this is "our" country right? Well, do you?

Yes, it is Our country.

Do you love our country?

I do. I love our country, and I love the people who live here. The strong ones, the week ones, the under paid and over worked ones, the over paid and under worked ones, the ones living on the streets, the ones living in houses too big for seven families to live in and yet house only one broken family.

I love the ones that fight, the ones that sing, the ones that dance, the ones that sit all alone at lunch, the ones that feel all alone all the time, and the ones that never let themselves be alone for fear that they might have to get to know themselves.

I love all those that work 9-5 just trying to stay alive, and those that "play" all day doing what they love and somehow make much more than enough to survive, but enough to fully thrive!

I love the ones that run. The ones that race. The ones that ski down slopes that I think are absolutely insane. The ones that jump out of planes. The ones that say yes to erradicating their fears. The ones that say yes to this year after year after year.

I love the ones that can't pronounce my name because they came from lands far away, because they remind me how little I get to see of the world today. I love that they are here adding culture to this land. I love all of those who reach out their hands, and welcome these people from far away. The ones who reinforce their hope that they have a chance to start life in a new way.

I love the ones that are crying for the ones that are dying. I love the ones that are dying. The ones that have just passed, and the ones that are long gone. I love the ones that are to come, and the ones that are on their way, and especially those that chose to enter the world today! Hopefully they will have a chance at living life in a much cleaner, more balanced, and healthier way.

I love all those that care for children. Now I'm not just saying all the Mom's and the Dad's, I love them too, but I am also loving on all those that overstand the importance of their care and would not know what to do if the children were'nt there. The ones that guide all our young ones in love and light. The ones that teach them they have their rights. The ones that provide a place for them to live. The ones that unconditionally give and give and give and give.

I love every Gramndma, and Grandpa. I love every brother, every sister, every aunt and every uncle. I love every long lost relative who shows up scared at some family memebers door. I love all the step siblings, and half siblings, and all the siblings who have never felt like they have had a brother or a sister.
I love the ones that take pills to keep the pain away. I love the ones that walk around playing with or talking on their cell phones all day. I love the ones that never make eye contact, no matter how awkward it gets. I love the ones that look in my eyes and I can feel them inside of my chest.
I love the ones that just keep on going. I love the ones that ride motorcycles. The ones that stand for what they believe in. The ones that live life to the fullest. The ones that drive really big trucks with pictures of eagles soaring on the back window. The ones that drive really little electric cars and remind me of circus clowns, and that we should be more conscious of how we impact our environment.

I love those that fear death. Those that fear life. Those that fear fear. And Those that don't have fear.
I love all the Hip Hop heads that are breakin' dj'n mc'n graffiti writin' and speading some much needed knowledge. I love the smelly gutter Punks spangin' on the street corners, the Bluegrass listenin' overall wearing barefoot dancin' Hippies, the dreadlock Rasta's, the covert Rasta's, the Metal Heads, the Gangsta Rappers, the Techno Tweekers, and the country rock stars.

I love all the people in this country because America would not be America if it weren't for all of those that live here.
So, I love those that stand for Freedom. The ones that obliterate all falacies that our government tries to feed us on a daily basis. The ones that "rebel". The revolutionaries. Those that choose not to stand in line. Those that color outside the lines. Those that homeschool. Those that are trying to make public school something more than a conditioning device. And all those that don't run away, but choose to stay here and change the way we live.

So, now I ask you, Do you trust the people of this country to change the way we allow our government to operate?

Do you think that it is going to miraculously happen someday with no effort, and with out seriously education ourselves as to what our government is actually doing right now, instead of what they are trying to make us believe they are doing?

No.

So what do you think you can do to BE THE CHANGE THAT YOU WISH TO SEE IN THIS WORLD?

Yeah, I'll rock my style like Ghandi and fight for nothing, yet stand for everything I believe in.
Start small, start huge. Just start. That's all that matters. Start doing something to be the change! I guarentee your childrens children will thank you.

PEACE!

Why Are We So Afraid Of Love?

As I journey throught this walk in this body, in this time, I am finding that I am re-encountering the same question over and over... Why are we all so afraid of love? I mean it is the most powerful healing force and singularly the only vibration that creates, sustains, animates, etc... life.

I dive into Love. From 50 foot high cliffs and never think about the rocks that may or may not lie beneath the surface of the waters that appear so peaceful from the vantage I peer out from. I step into Love as I welcome a feather blanket on a dew frozen morning after a day of scorching heat.

Why are there so many thoughts when Love is involved? Why do we fear so much? Why are there so many if's? Why have we been so hurt by people in the past, and why have we allowed that pain to prevent us from feeling Love so deeply? Why do we not love ourselves enough to accept Love in full unconditionally from the source? Why when Love is presented to us do we question? Why do I feel like I am alone in this passionate drive to run with arms wide open, and more importantly heart wide open, into the arms of Love? Why are there so many questions? What are we questioning when we turn our side to the hug of Love? Why do we not connect on the deepest level possible when we feel Love? Why do we run? Why do we run? Why do we run? What is this fear all about?

Are we afraid that if we say yes to Love that we will get hurt, that we will experience something more painful than we have ever experienced before? Are we denying Love becuase we are scared that we may feel a discomfort? In my experience discomfort is a sign of an oportunity to grow. When the seed knows that it is time to send forth a root, do you not think it is scared? Do you not think that it is fearing everything will be lost? It is. And it could be. But is the pain of not knowing what could have been worth the pain of eventually realizing that we were asleep on the porch of life, and Love, and all we had to do was knock. All we have to do is knock... And of this I am not even convinced... Maybe we don't even have to knock, maybe the front door is wide open and we are so scared that we sit there watching and wishing we had the guts to live that full of an existence. Perfect example: the bar. Those dancing, and those wishing they had the courage to get up and dance.

Where are all the warriors in Love? Where are all those that fear nothing? Where are all those that stand full of life and embrace fully the unknown aspects of Love? The fear of Love? The vast expansiveness of Love? Where are all my people at? Am I alone in my ability to dive knowing that if there are jagged rocks waiting for me upon my entrance to those seemingly peaceful waters below that I will be torn to sheds in graditude of the Love that I was able to experience during my oh so perfectly preformed Swan dive to meet those jaws of rock below?

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all? YES!!!!! And is it better to Love than to run in fear? Yes!!!!!!!!!

It is here that I will state that I am in Love. With Love. I do not have a vision of a union with one man. I do not see that there is one man that can handle every level of Lauren, nor do I expect that I will encounter one. But, I do see that there are many of us that turn our side to Love when it comes running to us like a child whom has not seen there mother for a week and has been crying for her for days on end. I wish to be the mother that opens fully to that child of Love knowing that that same child may turn again and leave thinking there are better things out there. I wish to be the mother that real-eyeses that someday that child of Love will return with tears in eyes professing the Love that they were so scared to profess so many years and times ago. I am the mother. I am the child. I am the communication between the two. I am so tired of feeling the tip of the iceburg of Love and having the Ocean ever so gently wisk that mountain of frozen ice out of my grasp so that I am left wondering what the entire being looked like in its state of wholeness under the waters surface.

When Love comes to your door and asks you if you would like a little more, give this a try... not only do you open your door wide and say come inside, you draw Love a nice warm bath and offer Love a glass of wine to sip as you serenade Love bathing naked in the seat of your soul...

Oh Love, you are such a simple creature, how can we make you so complex?

Love is running full blast into your heart all the time. Take your arms from acrost your chest and lay them down by your sides. Let your heart be exposed. Let you heart be the quintessential "X" on the treasure map of life, and not only that, give the map bearer a well sharpened shovel with which they will dig to the center of your soul and spirit only for both of you to realize you have held the treasure all along... acceptance of Love, Unconditionaly, For Iver!

Bless Bless Bless

Love Love Love

For Andrea

When I am asked to change the life of another individual, I am re-awakened to the fact that we are actually just one sigil, representing multiple facets of many great things like tiny prayers upon flying bird wings.
And as these feathered creatures take on their greatest of flights, I find that I am awake with them in the middle of the night.

Alone I might think that I am, but then I can being to span the reality of my waking life dreams and share all my thoughts on these vast midnight wings connecting with all of life's many beings.
with my strings attached I can do no good, so I cut the cords and fly off into the woods of self discovery, and self in lovery

Because I know that I am all that I see manifested in different forms, I stay away from the realm of others discoveries. I know that my dreams are awakend life states and that I am creating the reality of my ultimate fate. We are creating the reality of our ultimate fate.

So we must remain at a constant rate of almost zero velocity with minimal mass traveling almost unnoticeably in order to change our life's direction undoubtedly from one thing to another instantaneously. It is in this momentum tunnels envelope of time that we can reside in peace with the infinite possibilities consistently available for all of we.

For the best this is the rest of how I become fully me. Staying awake as I shift states and become consciousness of the true divine nature that has always been me.

And so I find stability in the roots of my tree when I sing out loud to the people who reach out to me to be more fully in them as they sing out from their own personal leaves on the limbs of their own personal trees fed by the roots of their own beautiful beings which are truly just extensions of one greater tree.

The tree of creation that has given birth to all of we.

So Much More

If I am you and you are me then I want you to BE me. I want you to see me. I want you to look through my eyes and not be scared when you find yourself paralyzed because I have reached down deep into your chest and give your heart a pair of eyes.

Now contemplate this moment of your state, or you may call it fate, but I find I liberate when I go on a date with me. So open wide the lenses of these new heart centered eyes and realize that I am you, and you are me.

And that it may be only now that you are saying, “Somehow this is all beginning to make sense to me. I knew there had to be a reason or explanation for all the senses I’ve always felt inside of me”.

It’s because we are growing! And that time is all but slowing. So step into the new continuum and I will show you some of my most inner flowers. Ah yes, we can reflect on what this means for hours and hours and hours and hours...

But I know something oh so much more intimate than that, and I am here to show you exactly where it’s at. It’s right here. At your core, so step inside because there is so much more.

And this is where there comes to be a need for a long lost and forgotten familiarity with self. We as One learning how to be me not you.

This is true Inity. And now finally I can see the light in me going on in you. Ah yeah, I know you can too, because it grew, and now it’s all you’ll have to do to get more familiar with

You. Me. We. Have to be looking inwards. Not in wards for sanity. But you. Me. We. Have to be looking inwards for clarity.

And the fact that I have to say this means that we have been looking externally which honestly just seems so awkward to me.

Have you heard what I have been saying to you? If not let me lyrically paint a picture for you to see with the new eyes you have been given. The ones that will change the ways that you have been living.

An image more powerful than any other. An image of the immaculate self-lover, the self that does not have a mask or a cover.

Now close your external eyes, dive in and discover that lover deep within. We can still win.

It’s not too late to re-cognize our state, say yes to our fate, and most importantly go out on that date with ourselves.

So pick all those scary pieces of you up off your dusty old book shelves and look with your new eyes located at the galactic heart core.

Find what you may not have known you’ve been so desperately looking for ever since your mother so graciously opened up her door and helped you to pass through so that the current version of you could be here with me on this floor.

Like I said there is always so much more. There is always so much more. There is always so much more.

We’ve only just begun to see what’s behind our own magic door that’s opening us up to be so much more. And now I ask you, are you ready for what’s in store?