All Is Full Of Love, Even If We Can't Feel It's There

Each day of my cleanse has been so transformational: day one, two, and three were all much more physical and mental, but day four became more emotional, and yesterday..., day five was the most powerful day thus far. . . . I had so many poewrful revelations about the perceptions I was holding about my recent situations in life. Such as the move I just made. I moved an entire household (and when I say household, I mean I can just barely fit everything into a 26' long moving truck : )! ) and I move it all with the only help being with things that were physically impossible for me to do alone. By the way, I also learned that I can move things that I thought I couldn't!

The point is that I was speaking of this entire move for the whole two weeks it took me to manage it with three children and no childcare (minus one day without Kyan because he had a fever and sat at my sister's watching movies) and for a full week after as though I were a victim for having to do it "all alone".

Then I realized I accomplished a massive feat and that I should be proud that I could orchestrate such a move with so little complications, drama, pain, and so much fun for my children, realization of strength's in myself, and without having to rent a truck! :)

I'm gonna keep going here and get into something I don't want to share, but because I am opening up my heart...I have made a horrible habbit of yelling at my children. I have been saying for months that I need to talk to them more and yell less, but when things got stressful, I found myself returning to yelling and every time I would beat myself up about it afterward, but still I returned to the raised voice.

Here I must note that I do not yell at my children in front of anyone else. This is not a good pattern to get into. Everyone sees me as such a calm mother and I get compliments all the time about how patient I am with them. Sometimes I even say, "Well thank you, but I am not always this cool." The truth of the matter was that I wished that there was always someone around so that I could be kept in check.

Yesterday Kyan was making a cashew butter and jam sandwich and as I was yelling at him because he was doing it "wrong" and making a huge mess something happened...

I began to cry.

And through my sobs I told him I was sorry, and then I told all of my children how sorry I was for yelling at them. And then I asked Kyan to please finish making his sandwich however he wanted to.

In that moment I realized I have been so hard on them because I am so terribly hard on me, that every time I had been yelling at them, I was truly yelling at me.

I am huge on positive reinforcement, and always give props where props are due. To my children and to myself (to everyone actually!). They smile more than most other children I know, and I smile more than most other adults that I know, BUT that is no way for me to reason out that it was acceptable to yell when things were high stress.

So basically they finished their lunch with their Mother sobbing at the table telling them how much she loves them, and how she is going to talk to them from now on, that they need to listen when she talks and that it will no longer be acceptible for them to yell when they are stressin' either. They all kissed and hugged me and told me that it was okay and that everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a chance to start over, and that I don't really yell at them all that much.

I am a firm believer in experiencing what I am supposed to be, you know, not shunning my emotions or halting a cry when I feel one coming on, so for the next hourish I walked around the house breaking in and out of sobs and smiles.

I know why they are called "growing pains" and not "growing pleasures". It's because as a whole we are taught sub-consciously to focus on the negetive. It is all around us, and we have to change that pattern. It does not take a huge effort to change a pattern, or need for years of therapy. We simply have to know, to become conscious, and then to impliment the neccessary changes into our current patterns! :) It is so easy, but it can only happen exactly when we give up our need to control the situation. We have to give in. We have to surrender to every moment.

We have to surrender to every moment! Wow! That was worth typing twice! :) Every moment we are gifted with such a beautiful present, right NOW!!!!!!!! I find it so breath taking, so astonishing to see with eyes in my heart and to act from that centered and balanced space where Spirit and I are One.
We always have something to "work" on, but what I am realizing is that it is so much more fun to navigate my way through this EPIC journey "playing"! Taking myself so much less seriously, and therefore everyone else around me as well.

I think one of the most powerful mantras is:

"I Unconditionally Love and Approve of Myself"

When we can do that, we can be a beacon of light for ourselves, and for everyone else we encounter. It is such a powerful gift to Unconditionally Love and Approve of Everyone and Everything.

All truly IS full of Love.